Daily Smart-Assfirmations

On Seizing the Day

admin — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:00:31 +0000

“Do you remember the scene in the film “Dead Poets Society” where Robin William’s character got up on his desk and shouted “Carpe diem! Seize the day!”? Didn’t that movie suck royal ass?”

-by MG

On Fame

admin — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:00:45 +0000

“With all these celebrities dropping like flies, you should meditate on the following truth: ‘Thank god you have no discernible talents. It’s better to be mediocre and alive then to be famous and dead.’”

-by MG

On Loss

admin — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:10:54 +0000

“You are distraught over the untimely demise of a popular music legend, but in your heart of hearts you know that Little Timmy Two Toots’ music will live on forever. RIP Timmy!”

-by MG

On New Beginnings

admin — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 07:00:23 +0000

“There is a new beginning for you around every corner, thanks to your lack of short term memory.”

-by MG

On Turning Over a New Leaf

admin — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:03:16 +0000

“You are turning over a new leaf in your life, and you have discovered just what the underside of a new leaf looks like, and you are not impressed.”

-by MG

On Neglect

admin — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:59:55 +0000

“Don’t neglect the things you love. The things you love will prune up and die without your love and attention. For example, I love grapes. Nothing ever good came from old grapes. I mean, besides wine and raisins.”

-by MG

On Negative Bonds

admin — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 07:00:32 +0000

“You cut negative bonds of attachment to despair, depression, and desperation. You untie the knots and the ‘nots.’ You recall the genius of the hilarious comedian Don Knotts. You start whistling the theme to the ‘Andy Griffith Show.’ You curse me for allowing that theme to get stuck in your head. The negative bonds are retied.”

-by MG